Monday 22 August 2016

Suffering for a cause...

We're cyclists and we are in love with pain. From the very first coverage of the classics and Grand Tours, tales are based on adjectives that wouldn't look out of place in a realistic, gritty, war novel. Obviously since the first bike races were held to sell newspapers, and they were the only way to keep the public informed, dramatic tales of suffering and heroism became the norm, since the more evocative and entrancing, the more copies of your paper would be sold.

The semi-religious, semi-martial mythologies of the convicts of the road shaped how the narratives around bike racing were formed, even today with our more cynical and media-savvy populace. "Calvary", "Enfer du nord", "Fight for Pink"- these motifs are still drawn upon as journalists and authors try to give the general public at least some semblance of an insight into the men and women who make their living hauling 6.8kg of carbon fibre up mountain passes or across unforgiving cobbles.

And so- this is quite a tenuous link to what I really want to write about tonight. Yes there is some heroism in suffering, particularly when it would be easier and more tempting just to step off the bike- both literally and figuratively. And there is always room for heroism and dealing with pain alone- however we have to remember that there are limits. Limits where even the most ardent, most competitive cyclist knows that they have reached and maybe it is time to turn around and ask the directeur sportif to let them into the car. Even the best don't go beyond their limits without the support and safety net of a team. And this is not just about physical pain and exhaustion- any sportsperson will tell you the mental aspect is as important, if not more so, and needs careful monitoring and conditioning, just as muscles and the cardiovascular system do. If you read anything about Team Sky and British Cycling success stories, every rider and staff member will mention the role of Steve Peters and how he was as important as the aerodynamists or interpreters of training data.

And this Sunday I will be going through the physical suffering to try and help alleviate those whose pain isn't so visible. I will be doing Lap the Lough to raise funds for Craigavon branch of Samaritans. Yep I know it is only 95 miles (I will be adding a few extra on to make the ton) and many people will see this as no more than a normal Sunday run, but I have to admit that work and other commitments (including those linked to being a Samaritan volunteer) mean that I am already trying to work out my pacing strategy (not helped by the changed route- thanks folks!!). My training has been derailed for one reason and another so it will be a long day in the saddle- a few events that I normally use over the summer to get the legs working were cancelled or postponed this year so I am short in miles - and I only wish this was me getting my excuses in early! But I have a few motivating factors- as well as my Qhubeka bracelets reminding me that there are kids much worse off than any temporary pain I will be in on the day, I will be helping ensure that other people will also benefit.

No matter what time of day or night, or what time of year there will be Samaritan volunteers listening to callers or replying to e-mails or texts sent  by people who want to be listened to. In some cases they are ready to step off the bike, but in many other cases they simply want to be heard. My Lap the Lough adventure will go a small way to make sure Craigavon branch is able to offer that opportunity to be heard- to be the team car handing out energy gels and bidons to ensure the person can make it that bit further,  and hopefully closer to safety so that when they do climb of the bike it is into the safety of a team bus, and not an abandonment with no one around (okay I may just be stretching this analogy a wee bit far here...!).



I'm not a natural fundraiser- I really hate asking people for money particularly in these tight times, but if you would like to ease my physical pain and the mental pain of many, many others my fundraising page is here. And if you can't give that is fine- you can do your bit by simply spreading the word that Samaritans exist, they can be contacted on 116 123 (free call) or e-mailed at jo@samaritans.org .

 (Please note that if you do want to contact Samaritans use those details rather than just through this blog.)






Thursday 18 August 2016

Tour de France 2016- lessons from the Champs Elysees



My stretch of the Elysian Fields...



Let's be honest- when I worked out a few years ago that my 40th birthday would exactly coincide with the final stage of the 2016 Tour de France then there was only really one place I was going to be on that day. Of course it would mean my wife and me breaking our rule not to go on holiday during the summer months, but it would also act as an effective distraction from the inevitable sad reflections that come with such landmark birthdays.

L'Equipe, the Arc de Triomphe, TdF hat and lots and lots of high factor suncream...

However there were a few things I needed to sort before the big day- I wanted to see as much of the action as possible, including La Course, so trying to work out what time to be at the Champs Elysees to get a good position meant also figuring out how to ward of the potential for sunstroke and dehydration. Further complicating matters was the fact I was going to be on my own and would be unable to go to the toilet or go seek water or food without losing my spot on the barriers. This was going to take some planning...


La Course passes by on one of thirteen laps



Despite being the biggest, annual sporting event in the world, info on how to get the best out of watching the TdF is hard to come by. Obviously different types of stages will have different considerations eg big grimpeur stages will mean spending a week parked on the side of a mountain, while those set up for the sprinters will mean hours in one place for a few seconds of colours flashing past (mostly black, blues and yellows taking this year's predominant peloton colour scheme into account). At least the publicity caravan provides some compensation in the latter case (and in fact it is not unknown for people to leave after they have got their freebies and before the race arrives). But for atmosphere and value for your time, it is hard to beat the final stage into Paris, since the circuits mean you will get plenty of chances to have your view blocked by a CRS officer or some gabshite sticking a tablet or camera in front of your face each time the riders pass.


Having only been in Paris once, almost 9 years ago, my memory of the Champs Elysees was quite foggy and Google Street View helped a bit in deciding where to stand. But nothing beats on the ground planned reconnaissance, so on the Saturday  I worked out the best metro stations and locations. Well I say nothing beats planned recon, but actually I went for a wander later on Saturday evening and turned a corner to suddenly see that the Arc de Triomphe was actually in walking distance from my hotel, avoiding two metro changes in a very hot and crowded underground.





Moniek Tenniglo and Marianne Vos







So time wise- La Course was to start at 12:30 and the TdF wasn't due to hit the cobbles until after 7pm, as ASO continue the quite unpopular decision to ensure it finishes at dusk.  I decided to head towards the Arc de Triomphe at 10:30am, stopping for a croissant and orange juice before getting near the Champs Elysees . At around 10:45 I made my way to claim my spot, stopping only to pick up a copy of L'Équipe and a hat, and made my way to a spot just a few hundred metres from the Arc. I settled in for a long stand, and it was only a bit later that I realised I couldn't see a big screen anywhere, so was going to be reliant on my dodgy French to try and understand how the races were progressing from the speaker just above my head.


I had chosen a water drinking schedule that, while not advisable, meant I was able to stay put until 9:30pm that evening without having to find a pissoir. Gradual sips just when I needed them kept me on the right side of hydrated, and every half hour an application of factor 30. However just before La Course started I realised the sun had moved and I was no longer sheltered by the trees, and so spent most of the day getting par boiled.

As well as my official programme, my copy of L'Équipe and Alasdair Fotheringham's "The End of the Road: The Festina Affair and the Tour that Almost Wrecked Cycling" on Kindle meant that the time actually went by quite quickly. A few corporate bike rides went up and around (and more than a couple of sportive-type riders seemed to have underestimated how steep the Champs Elysees actually is- it must not be a nice feeling to be dropped and suffer in front of so many people!). Then some of the women's teams did recces in dribs and drabs before La Course got under way. 13 laps later (and 13 chances to take good photos, most of which I fluffed!) Chloe Hosking crossed the line first although I never saw it and had to rely on the commentary and Twitter to confirm. While the crowds were not as big as they would be later on, the atmosphere as many of the cyclists whose exploits I have followed for so long went past (minus Lizzie Armitstead for reasons we would find out much later) was something to be part of.


The first break in La Course.



After the excitement, it settled down again and I resumed my reading, with just the odd wary look at individuals who seemed to be eyeing up my spot, or at least trying to manoeuvre themselves in beside me. Despite being an internationalist, I suddenly found myself in possession of a "what I have, I hold!" defensive attitude to these late-coming interlopers! Eventually my Tour Tracker app told me that the men had left Chantilly, though since the first part of stage 21 resembles the world's most exclusive Sunday leisure ride, I knew my waiting wouldn't be over soon.







Just as my Kindle indicated I had read 75% of my book, the relative peace was disturbed as the publicity caravan thundered into sight. Crazy floats and electric cars manned by really, really enthusiastic individuals as well as police, firefighters and the Tour's logistics crews drove past the crowds with a mixture of internationally known brands (such as Haribo and Vittel ) being advertised alongside products that wouldn't be really known that well outside of France.  Among the vehicles were lorries that played a role in getting the hardware of the TdF around, although their weaving from side to side couldn't help but bring to mind the images of the lorry mowing down those innocent people only 10 days before in Nice, so perhaps that could have been thought out better.



Quintana (right) and Tommy V's tongue...



Eventually a helicopter appeared in the horizon, and those more used to watching bike races around me stirred- it meant they were close! This was followed by the same people swinging around to look at the Arc de Triomphe, and like clockwork the Patrouille de France air display team came screaming along the Champs Elysees, emitting red, white and blue smoke just as the peloton arrived. It is no coincidence that they have been used each year since Wiggins won, and are part of a ring of steel to prevent Lesley Garrett being able to get onto the podium to sing the British national anthem.



Michael Matthews


Then suddenly a phalanx of police officers on motorbikes, closely followed by other vehicles then the red lead car swept by and then over 170 of the world's top cyclists were literally inches away from me. Suddenly it became surreal and real at the same time. Just like La Course, my brain struggled to process the fact that I was seeing these people in the flesh rather than on a 32" TV or 10" laptop screen.

One of the things that always strikes me when watching aerial shots of the last stage on television is the many people wandering the streets or around the funfairs while the Tour is happening literally feet away and they don't seem interested. This was magnified even more on the Champs Elysees as, out of the corner of my eye I could sense people ambling past without so much as a glance at the show in front of them- there are "too-cool-for-school" types all over the world!




Reinardt Janse van Rensburg has a wheel change







Eventually Andre Greipel's name came over the PA system and I knew the 103rd edition of the Tour was over (ironically, and just like when stage 2 of the Giro finished in front of Belfast City Hall and I was at the 75m mark, I was one of the last to actually see the finish, having to wait until the highlights were shown on TV later). I then made a mistake- I knew that the teams would cycle up the Champs Elysees and stood waiting for a bit. Then it gradually dawned that they wouldn't come as far up as the Arc de Triomphe- the photos normally published don't really reveal how foreshortened the background is. Eventually I made my way down and did see Lampre, a couple of BMC (including Greg Van Avermaet) and John Degenkolb cycle by on the way to their hotels but had missed everyone else.

So at 9:30pm my Tour de France also came to an end.
 


Tommy Voeckler

So what did I learn? What lessons can I pass on to anyone wanting to make the journey in the future?


Be early and make sure you see La Course. As well as providing an opportunity to see the world's best, the more who come out to watch it, the more the pressure to televise more women's racing.

Ensure you can see a big screen from where you are standing- if I had to do it again, the corner behind the Arc de Triomphe would be ideal- the riders slow down enough if you want to take decent snapshots, and you can see the big screen. Otherwise I would walk further down, closer to the finishing line- while the extortionately priced grandstands have the prime spots you will still get closer to the action as well as having more options in relation to stalls and services.


Don't get fixated on taking the perfect photo- maybe shoot a few frames on a couple of laps. It can be too easy to suffer tunnel vision while trying to snap the action each time. Take the chance to look at the riders without a screen between you and them.



GVA after the stage


Cycling fans speak an international language without words- Just as I arrived, I was joined by an older Spanish couple. Despite not exchanging a single word all day, we were somehow communicating ensuring all of us saw the race and did not inconvenience the other. As they left at the end of the day they even shared a cheery "bye!".






So after 11 hours in the sun, trying to stay good humoured as Johnny-Come-Lately's decided to try and squeeze into spots others had waited for, CRS officers standing right in front as the peloton flies past, and the almost impossible task of trying to ID riders in the bunch- was it worth it? Well yes, of course- it is the Tour! I would do a few things differently including choosing somewhere else to stand,but if you can just forget about trying to capture images yourself, and just simply glory in the close presence of so many of the most talented athletes on the planet then the problems really seem diminutive.

John Degenkolb (right) in civvies making his way home!






Froome at the midway point.

Tuesday 16 August 2016

Kudos vs "Likes"...

To be honest I was reasonably late to Strava, only really joining it in 2013 since I always found MapMyRide more than met my needs- I wasn't overly concerned with my performance and just wanted to record my routes. However since so many people I knew were on it, it was inevitable I would drift towards checking out how quickly I covered certain segments rather than my average for each mile.

I still upload to both platforms since the data in each is useful for different things, but the one change I have really noticed as more and more people sign up is in regards "kudos". When I first started "kudos" were given by fellow cyclists when you had done something decent on a ride- a new PR, an impressive elevation total, a century or above- you had to earn them. Now however they seem to have developed into a Facebook style "like"- more or less some of your acquaintances simply signifying that they have seen you were out on your bike. This then leads to a cycle of simply giving them kudos, again for often ordinary runs, out of politeness and the whole thing loses any value it has to start with. It has been really noticable on my own feed recently- my form on the bike has been shockingly bad compared to earlier in the year- I have even titled rides "Pathetic" but still get kudos I haven't earned! Maybe I am taking things too seriously but I only want those thumbs up when my average goes back up (or at least when I come up with a humourous or inventive name for a ride!) as opposed to tunring into Facebook where my mum will "Like" anything I put up!




Wednesday 13 July 2016

TdF 2016-The story so far - Uncertainities and orthodoxies challenged...

So the Tour is at its half way point- how has it been so far? I could think of all kinds of adjectives and clichés, although saying I have already been accused of being inebriated by the exuberance of my own verbosity this evening (albeit in a slightly unrelated contexts) I will try and avoid this.

If there is one thing I hate about modern life it is "obviousness"- when people say or do things you know they are going to do, which you and they know isn't original but they still feel the urge to carry out. You can test this out in everyday life by simply carrying a box of chocolates or bunch of flowers past a group of people and time how long it takes someone to say "You shouldn't have"- the quickest I have experienced is 19 seconds. But cycling, and the Tour in particular, has its own problems in this regard. See the raft of "white shorts" articles that appear after every World Championships win, the "Tour can't be won here but can be lost" phrase, the people who only ever appear on cycling forums during these three weeks to roll out the stock "How can it be called a Tour of France if it goes into Andorra/ Spain/ The Netherlands/ Switzerland etc?" or "jokes" around doping (yes- we all know the one about "fair play to Lance- when I use drugs I can't even ride a bike"), stuff about shaved legs, Rule V and so on. Hopefully though, this year will finally kill off the most tired, lazy and inaccurate of myths- that of the "curse of the Rainbow Jersey" thanks to Armitstead and Sagan's performances.  While even Cav wearing the stripes winning on the Champs Elysees after being lead out by the maillot jaune couldn't stop the trope being recycled every year since, any hack spotted space-filling after Sep with this nonsense should be banned from writing about cycling and their race accreditation given to me!

And thereby hangs the link to the Grand Boucle so far- it has been a lesson in throwing out old uncertainties. Each year many journalists and writers, under pressure for print deadlines, contribute to various guides to that years events. This is often a problem since this is actually the first year I can remember that all of the big hitters promoted in the guides made it to the start of stage 1. Wiggins, Kittel and Matthews are just a few off the top of my head who stared out at me from the guides, despite, at that stage, sitting at home watching the Grand Depart. This year though generally everyone who was expected to be there was, but really in many cases that is the most accurate offering due to this TdF not going according to script.

 The challenge to certainities came straight off the bat. Stage One had Kittel and Griepel as favourites in nearly every preview I read. Cav barely merited a mention, or if he did appear, was favoured only if it didn't come down to a traditional sprint. Fast forward a few hours and suddenly many hacks were cursing the existence of internet caches. At least when predictions went awry in the past, it was in printed magazines that were either chucked or added to a pile that, despite best intentions, were never re-read. No such luxury these days!

Stage 2 probably did generally stick to the script, though again Cav bucked it a little by not losing as much time as other sprinters in his respectful defence of the jersey. Then to win another two sprints, including head-to-head with Kittel again- the Manxman's role in helping shape the narrative as a "Tour-unlike-others" has been large.

A few days later, the yellow jersey worn by van Avermaet, being allowed in the break, Cummings powering away from a group including Nibali to win and the flamme rouge collapsing, all added to the departure from the mean (well maybe not Cummings performance based on his other stage wins this year and the chance to stick two fingers up at the GB Olympic Selectors). The top of the GC standings included 3 Brits and an Irishman; three out of the four jerseys were held by those with UK citizenship; 5 of the first 8 stages were also won by individuals entitled to vote in the EU Referendum- (as an aside-if article 50 is invoked will they have to apply for work visas alongside the South Americans and Africans?). What odds would have been offered on Dimension Data leading the number of stage wins by the half-way point?


Also include Froome's victory after attacking on the descent and today's escape with Sagan to disrupt what all the guides say was a nailed on sprint stage, Contador's falls and abandon, Pinot and Porte losing time so early on (and the latter seemingly acting as a fifth columnist to distance van Garderen on the ride into Andorra), Nibali seemingly reverting to riding like a normal rider rather than a possible GC plan B or gregario deluxe for Aru... for some riders like Cav, a winding back of the clock. to others a fast forwarding of a calendar based on their form.

Yet despite all these surprises and deviation from the accepted storyline, is it really sucha shock? 2016 itself has been such a volatile year, when unpredicatabilty has ruled and many orthodoxies abandoned, why shouldn't the Tour follow suit?  Yet still predictions are being made based on old indicators. Froome has this tied down already reads the thread of dominant thinking, especailly after today and the fact the Ventoux stage has been truncated. But if I have learned anything over the past month- actually past 7 months- it is that things cannot be taken for granted. Remember Sky have been pulling everyone along, giving Movistar an easy ride. Week three is backloaded with 4 hard stages in succession- are Sky burning their matches too early? While Quintana has been accused of letting the race head up the road without him remember- even with his heroics today, Froome only took 12 seconds on Nairo. The energy he used today and on his great escape on stage 8 will have to be paid for eventually-  has it been worth it for a 35 second lead at this stage? The Time Trails are hillier than usual so the Colombian will not lose as much time as he would in more traditional chrono parcours.

So the lesson? Well as usual my Twitter feed is full of pessimistic individuals saying that the Tour is over already. But I say this- look at everything that is going on in the world, look at today's stage (number 11 Carcassonne to Montpellier) and embrace the chaos and uncertainity- if there has ever been a time in recent memory when we can discard the expected linear narrative it is now!

Saturday 11 June 2016

2016 Giro d'Italia Gran Fondo review

So five days later, and I still can't decide which was the biggest challenge of the 2016 NI Gran Fondo- getting up at 5:15am on a Sunday morning or the "Monte Braniel" that came after 6km. Actually the real answer is neither of these- instead it was an unexepected event (although come to think of it, Monte Braniel played a role, just on the descent rather than the ascent). After pushing it up "Monte Moneyreagh" I was feeling good and suddenly the roundabout appeared that marked the start of the fun part. This was what I had been envisioning as I struggled up the climb just 2 hours previously- when gravity and my mass would become  allies as opposed to contradictory elements that had spent the majority of the previous 30 miles fighting with each other. So I let fly, with the security of closed roads. However the individual in front of me wouldn't hold his line and in order to avoid any potential incidents I went wide to overtake him. This necessitated going over the chevrons and my back wheel clipped a cat's eye. I heard that distinctive "nick" sound that deep down means you know your hands won't stay clean today. Instinct meant I was able to feather the brakes and get across to the footpath just as the tyre deflated, around the half way point of the descent. Further hopes of a quick change were dashed when a wee friendly Belfast man decided to have a chat as I popped off the wheel and got my spare tube from my back pocket. Since he was basically a prisoner in his own street until the roads opened later that evening, I felt duty bound to engage with him in a pleasant way, as more and more cyclists flew past. Eventually I got back on, thanked the Lord for CO2 inflators and went on to finish 368th out of almost 2000 people and 20 mins quicker than last year, despite my little incident.

At the start- I am 3rd from left in the front row


 However things could have been worse a few minutes after my crevassé, just as the descent was coming to an end. The road had been coned off at this point to allow vehicles to get up and down  and some gabshite driving a church minibus did a sudden u-turn to get from the lane on the left to that on the right. This brought him right across the closed part of the road and some cyclists, including me were hurtling towards him. Luckily I wasn't up to full tilt after my enforced stop and my dickhead sensor was also quiet sensitive so I had sort of known what was going to happen before it did and was able to get stopped as other cyclists took evasive action. One marshal who saw it was seen sprinting up towards one of the police officers on duty so hopefully the driver won't be as skillful in avoiding their wrath as we were his stupid manoeuvre.


Heading past Strangford Lough and deciding to give the water stop a miss...


So small dramas aside, how was the whole event? Last year I felt kind of underwhelmed with the offerings over the two days, even with the Street Velodrome, and it was the same this year. Both registration day and the actual ride itself seem to promise loads of glitzy stuff when viewed from the outside but once you arrive it is slightly bare- it is lacking something which I can't quite put my finger on. I wanted to go and have my senses fulfilled with all things cycling but I got the impression of a lot of space with very little of any substance to fill it. You could visit the merchandise stall and pick up some t-shirts and those Belfast Grande Partenza cycling jerseys left over from 2014 (still so available it is hard to believe that there is anyone in NI who doesn't have one), lift some leaflets for various tourist initiatives or a wine company, gawp at some Garmin tech, order from a bar, amble over to the street velodrome or watch some of the cycling challenges for kids. The trophee senza fine was available for photos, but having had two taken last year I decided to forgo it this time. Really the only sense of wonder I had was the grudging admiration for the perky announcers at the street velodrome, who have mastered the art of the TV shopping channel presenter.

Stephen Roche and Gianni Bugno were guests over the weekend, but unless you had a few hundred quid to spend to go to the Friday night dinner or happened to be at the very front of the bunch at the start then you could have gone the whole time without setting eyes on either of them. Even the vaunted Maserati pace cars were often spoken off,  yet not really seen. I was at the front of the Strangford group for the first 6km and never saw the one that was supposed to be controlling the pace of our group. It is not that I really care about cars anyway but it seemed to be a good analogy for the event- stuff much promoted and hyped but when it comes to tactile engagement not really living up to the promise.

Gianni Bugno at the start of the Strangford route- helicopter not pictured...


Of course if all you were interested in was riding your bike on closed roads then it was a well organised success. Again  I would have loved a middle distance route but that would add to the logistical nightmare for the organisers and also reduce motivation to apply and train for the long route. The "pasta party" had food that was edible but still there was that sense of anti-climax when I arrived back- so much more potential that someone with the right ideas could make better use of. The goodie bags this year were pretty poor- mostly leaflets although I was one of the riders who got their event jersey for free in the bag by registering early. This was another sore point though- in an effort to provide even more corporate PR, a few days before the start we received e-mails that only those wearing the event jersey would be allowed to start at the front. This was not very well received. I prefer to wear the jersey after the event when I would feel I have deserved it, plus it goes against the cardinal rule of not using new kit on the day of the event. OK I was doing the shorter of the rides and could probably put up with a bit of discomfort for almost 60km, but if you are doing 170km up the Mournes, then a chaffing or badly fitting jersey would be more of an issue. Plus if people are wearing club jerseys, it is easier to work out who is more likely to be used to riding in groups as opposed to those who have ignored  Sportivelominati rule 2 and have decided that their first group ride will be in the midst of thousands of other cyclists.  Apart from the jersey though, the goodie bag was basically a waste of paper but at least it didn't include yet another bidon!

Improvements from last year including ensuring that at least one of the guest stars was with the shorter run- last year a lot of hay was made about Richie Porte being in attendance, but unless you were at the front of the long ride at 7am, you would have to rely on trust that he was there. Roche went with the Mourne Route while Bugno, as pictured above, rode with us lesser mortals (and I even made it back before him!). Reports from the Mourne route indicated that food stops had been better as well. I can't give any feedback on the Strangford stop since I decided to keep going as really there is no real need for one on a 38 mile ride.



In summary- the ride itself was fine and the novelty of closed roads was still worth paying for (this time at least). However if they want to promote it as more than just the Gran Fondo,they need to provide more of substance around it. Will I be back next year? Probably only if they provide a medium course or I shift another two stone and get my climbing legs back so that I can sign up for the long route. The cost and effort to get to Titanic Quarter for a ride that is shorter than my normal Sunday club run was just about justified by the organisation and road closures (errant church minibus drivers aside) this time but for a third year? Possibly not (although come January I will probably be afraid of missing something and will sign up!). So while the organisers still have some thinking to do ahead of the third Gran Fondo (the last they are contracted to provide) I will have my own decisions to make as well. Plus maybe by 2017 more of the participants will know it is GRAN and not GranD Fondo!

Sunday 29 May 2016

Giro d'Italia 2016- Resurrections and Rebirths

Wow! Simply wow! What a bloody great race. The 2016 Giro flew by quicker than Nibali going down hill with lead in his pockets, and again provided gifts for a whole range of senses. It kind of crept up  to be honest- normally I am prepared well in advance (perhaps the lack of an official programme being available in newsagents this year contributed to this deficit in my personal prep).  A forced change in jobs as well, where I can no longer arrange to be doing my paperwork in the afternoons with Eurosport player in the background also made me feel more apart, and instead meant trying to avoid Twitter and Facebook until I could get home to see the highlights. But this isn't about me-this is about the race that unfolded, a resurrection story on many fronts, more in keeping with the traditional timing of Paris-Roubaix than the first Grand Tour of the year.

Firstly, there are certain cycling magazines that may be ruing the inability to recall and edit their hardcopy offerings. Many included obituaries for Etixx-Quickstep following their 2016 Classics campaign, despite it including results many other World Tour teams would hold up as highpoints of their season. And of course EQS are held to higher standards than others, but the tone of many of the articles would have almost lead you to believe it was going to be the Belgians' last season as opposed to Tinkoff or IAM. There were the 4 stage victories (including a tactical masterpiece involving Brambilla and Trentin on stage 18 that may finally lay to rest the phantoms of Stannard and the 2015 Omloop fiasco) and 3 different riders in the maglia rosa over the course of 6 stages. This included a sterling performance from Jungels, often seen pulling at the front and playing a key role in killing off breakaways, carrying the pink jersey with panache and finishing 6th in GC. Kittel going home after his victories may not sit well with the purists but it ironically made them a stronger team since they had freedom to seize and make opportunities on all terrains. Is 2016 the year EQS goes beyond its traditional focus on the classics? Possibly but more will be revealed when we see who they pinpoint when it comes to transfer time. One week stage races don't seem otu of reach with the current set up but Jungels might not yet be in a position to be totally competitive in the really high mountains.

Similar questions await Orica Greenedge. I must admit my heart soared then sank as Chaves stuck with then lost Nibali's wheel on Saturday. The emergence of Uran restored a bit of hope until it was clear Esteban was struggling to hang on . Rumours do abound of chest colds or bronchitis, but backed by his performance in the 2015 Vuelta, it shows that the Colombian does have great potential. However OGE are not a GC team-yet. While Nibali could depend on a team who can stay with him when gravity becomes more of an enemy than a headwind, like LottoNL-Jumbo and EQS, Orica didn't have those personnel. Putting aside the history of some of Astana's troops (oh how I wish we could...) Chaves, like Kruijswijk, didn't have GC support domestiques to stick with them for as long as Scarponi and Kangert could with Nibali. Would a Yates or two have helped Chaves alongside Plaza and Txurruka? We can but speculate, but OGE again have questions to ask themselves. Do they shift away from the very succesful stage and classics hunting approach and focus more on GC? If so what about Gerrans and Matthews (though recent history suggests that those two may not be sharing a team in the future).  Can a GC set up also maintain room and support for Caleb Ewan? It may not be the worse problem in world to have, but it is still something that needs solved.

No theme of resurrection could avoid the Shark of Messina (or Lazarus, as he may be retitled) and his 11th hour comeback. Of course this lead to speculation (is acupuncture a violation of the "no needles" policy?) but INRNG again put his or her subjective analytical head on in an appeal for calm. Yes Nibali looked in trouble but "in trouble" is subjective when, even on his bad days, he didn't drop to lower than 5th in GC. Personally I was a bit put out when I saw him crossing the line in Sant Anna di Vinadio to take the pink jersey and being embraced by Vino but this was more to do with my disappointment for Chaves and the fact so many people with a history had played vital roles in the victory than anything personal in regards Nibali. Personally I feel Nibali is clean (well as confident as I can be) but the company he keeps doesn't help persuade the doubters.

And finally a tale of redemption cut short. For a brief time on the final stage. Giacomo Nizzolo thought he had finally broken his habit of finishing second, only for it to be taken from him by the race jury. Personally I didn't see anything wrong with the sprint, instead the slight curve in the road making it seem he deviated from his line, but it was a harsh judgement, although he does have the consolation of still winning the maglia rossa.

The 99th Giro might go down as one of the best in many years, and also mark the changing of the guard. A raft of new GC contenders making themselves known ( although old stagers like Nibali and, unfortuately Valverde still coming out on the podium) has resulted in a number of teams having to think hard about their shape for the future. The result of those internal debates will probably not be apparent until we see what riders are signed later on in the year, but the first Grand Tour of the year has set a challenge for the French and Spanish to meet in regards drama, spectacle and narrative.


Sunday 8 May 2016

The Giro in Ireland- 2 years on...

*NB while many of the links go elsewhere, some will take you to my photos of the Giro in NI- so don't feel the need to click on those if you don't want to! The important links are those at the end.

I headed out on a wee solo run last Sunday, with the intention of getting some hills fitted in since it has been too long since I swore on the sabbath. 2hours 48 mins later I was back, feeling sorry for myself and hoping that it hadn't gone as bad as my body was telling me it had. However the Garmin Edge 200 doesn't believe in white lies or sugar coating things. Strava told me that there were hundreds of people ahead of me on my particular climbs (Map My Ride just told me I had gone up them). I'm not that competitive (since I'm too crap a rider to justify it!) but it was a bit disheartening that I seemed so off the pace. That was until I looked at many of the names of those ahead of me- Iljo Keisse, Thomas De Gendt, Jetse Bol, Jussi Veikkanen, Daniele Colli.... not traditional Armagh names I think you will agree! This had been one of the GPM points on the Giro when it visited Ireland 2 years ago, so I didn't feel so badly done by when I remembered almost 200 of those names belonged to that surging mass of humanity who had sped past the spot where I had waited since early morning as they headed to Dublin the long way.




The GPM point Windy Gap, Markethill
 More by accident than design I had followed this route almost 2 years to the day when I had ridden out to bid a ciao to the Giro after 4 days that I still have a difficult  time processing. Despite having been there, despite having the photos from the team presentation, despite photos of me at various points of the three stages, despite Erik Zabel walking less than 10 metres away from me on Wellington Place, despite watching Marcel Kittel sprint to victory in front of City Hall, despite the lack of Mc's and O's in the surnames of the Strava KoM list- it is still such a surreal assault on the senses that my limited brain power is still struggling to come to terms with it.

My journey into existential angst began a couple of years previously when I picked up on whispers and random, isolated articles online that Belfast council was in negotiations to host the Grande Partenza. After checking the date and making sure it wasn't April 1st, I shared this info to a largely uninterested group on my social media outlets. In my head I had written this off as wishful thinking since this wasn't the sort of thing that comes to Norn Iron...
 
Some gabshite standing in front of the GPM point...


 Things went quiet for a while until further whispers built to a crescendo that culminated in an official announcement. Route maps were produced and suddenly places like Markethill and Carnlough appeared alongside Montecampione and Zoncolan. Part of the time I spent trying to come to terms with what was happening for myself but the majority was dedicated to impressing on anyone who would listen (and many who wouldn't) about what a massive deal this was.

As soon as it was possible I made sure to book the time off- 18 months in advance in fact! It was clearly spelled out to anyone I worked with- my diary was to stay free that week. Then more news- tickets for the team presentation would be available online. It was only a few weeks ago that my Timehop app reminded me what a day I had put in waiting for those tickets- the tweets sent as I sat in front of my laptop for four solid hours in a queue that didn't seem to move. Eventually the cyber gods smiled and I got my wristbands for the presentation.


So I found myself standing in the grounds of Belfast City Hall as Quintana, Purito, Nico Roche, Dan Martin, Uran, Hoogerland, Matthews, Scarponi, Cunego, Keisse et al made their way to the stage in the rain that was to typify the Giro's visit. This was followed by a quick hot foot to Queen's Film Theatre were the premiere of James Erskine's "Pantani- The Accidential Death of a Cyclist" was taking place. The first person I saw was Matt Rendell, whose book had been an inspiration for the documentary but who hadn't been announced as attending. Suddenly all these people I was used to seeing on a TV screen were right there in front of me and again I still couldn't really come to terms with the reality of it.


 Even after the fanfare associated with the team presentation, it didn't seem real. Walking down the Ormeau Road to see the Androni Giocattoli-Venezuela bus drive past or arriving at Titanic Quarter to see the Trek and Orica-Greenedge buses parked with the Harland and Wolff cranes in the background added a surreal edge.



Matt White (rightly!) calling a local cyclist a "dickhead" for racing onto the TTT route during the practice runs or standing at the corner where the Ormeau Rd meets the Stranmilis Embankment as a depleted Garmin team took the corner in the TTT- Dan Martin's fate had not reached us at this stage. Listening to some fella try and impress his female companions by wrongly explaining how the TTT and Giro overall worked (I did fight the temptation to correct him).  Being very annoyed by iPad waving gabshites who on both stage 2 and stage 3 stuck their infernal contraptions right in front of my face as riders approached blocking my view, almost negating the many hours I had been there before them. Descending the still closed hill into Markethill without worrying about cars coming up after the stage had passed. And coming off my bike on down the road after crossing a junction because some eejit in baggy soccer shorts stopped suddenly right in the middle of the road because he was unable to clip in- resulting in a twisted shifter and a new rear mech. These experiences and more all contributed to four days that I will always hold dear. Maybe my confusion is simply down to the fact that even to this day many of those who embraced the Pink and came out in some stinking weather to take part in the festivities still don't seem to recognise just what a massive deal it was to have the Giro on the island. Even today chatting to people at work it is clear there is confusion as to the difference between the fight for the maglia rosa and the Gran Fondo that has been part of the legacy.

So speaking of the legacy of the visit- what has it been, obviously apart from Strava KOMs and the Gran Fondo? Did numbers of people cycling increase? Many would say they had but this answer isn't as clear cut as it seems. For example this report on the BBC site promoting the Gran Fondo's is missing any specific numbers and deals in generalisations. My own club saw a slight increase in members but how much of this was to do with the Giro and how much with the 2012 effect? This debate in Stormont was high in platitudes and good intentions but very little in relation to numbers- note at one stage it is mentioned that the Northern Ireland Tourist Board had not made their legacy report available publically. This report, again from the NITB- it is unclear if this is the unreleased report referred to by Trevor Clarke MLA- does touch on some legacy though some of the stats have been used to give the impression of bigger successes than they actually prove on closer examination. For example on page nine it says that "62% of spectators who currently cycle and 26% who never cycle said they would likely cycle more because of the event". That seems quite positive until you unpack it- does that mean the 38% who currently cycle are going to stop because of the Giro?! Now I am being faecetous but having being interviewed over the phone for these stats (due to having recieved tickets to the team presentation) but I don't cycle just because of the Giro, and seeing it had no real impact on why I have continued to do so (in fact the  wait to try and obtain presentation tickets online actually reduced my cycling since that day's planned ride was cancelled due to it taking  so long!).

This summary on road.cc seems to back up my opinions on the Giro legacy. Please don't get me wrong- it was awesome and I would have it back in a shot. But we need to be careful about attributing effects that are not necessarily there. The key is the difference between commuting cyclists and recreational/sport riders. The Belfast Marathon isn't tasked with encouraging more people to walk to the shops rather than drive so why would the Giro be expected to directly decrease car journeys?  Most new participants are taking part in sportives and even racing but still drive to work. It never enters their heads to ride instead of drive (the rural nature of Northern Ireland doesn't really contribute to commuting outside of Belfast since so many of us live so far aware from work). The best example of this kind of disjointed thinking was illustrated this weekend when some cyclists I know reposted a pic of some dickhead with an umbrella playing the hero by standing right in front of a speed camera as if this was some sort of admirable act. If they truly saw cycling as alternative transport surely they would think this man was as big an attention seeking imbecile as I do, since any attempt to improve road safety should be welcomed by cyclists.

So please bring the Giro back. It would be great to see the TdF starting in NI as well but since the opening week of the Tour tends to coincide with the trouble associated with marching session here, that is less likely. I would especially love to see the Vuelta make a rare foreign soujourn to start here as well. Furthermore, judging by the roads condition I have riden on lately we would also be a shoe-in to host the first edition of Paris-Roubaix to be held outside of France! But let's keep things in perspective and stop expecting such events to deliver a legacy they are not really able to do. Let's enjoy the Gran Fondos (and introduce a medium route for God's sake) and revisit our memories but remember that the lasting impact will be encouraging tourists to come ride our roads and spend their euros and dollars, and not to disuade Johnny or Mary from driving when they could be cycling or walking-that requires a much different and long term approach.



Friday 8 April 2016

First Impressions- the NeilPryde Zephyr

April already- and it appears that I haven't posted since Jan. I could say that I wanted the season to be underway properly before contributing to the discourse but really an earlier bedtime regime due to a new job and trying to avoid the more predictable angles meant that I had some half-formed notions to inflict on the wider world but nothing really concrete. This is shocking when you look at how great the first part of the season has been -Sagan at Gent-Wevelgem and the Ronde, Cummings fantastically opportunitistic wins, Gaviria's emergence as more than a sprinter, Cav and Wiggins performance to take the madison rainbow stripes, Armitstead and Boels-Dolmans utter domination of the women's scene, Cancellara making up for last year's injury affected disasters- I could go on. But these are covered in many places, both online and in print, by people more skilled and analytical than me. I have a maxim when posting online- either here or on comment threads- if someone else has already made your point, don't be so egotistical to feel that you still need to add yours because-well-you're you and the world deserves to hear what you are about to repeat.

So I have decided to go for the personal- after many years of debate (both internally and with my long-suffering but totally brilliant wee wife), lustful walks around bike shops and the odd abandoned online basket, I finally upgraded from my Allez. A combination of hitting 40 in a few months, the recognition that I was probably going to have to replace components on old faithful soon anyway, a well timed special offer and acceptable finance deal, feeling thinner and fitter than in a long time due to the L-plan diet (L for Lent)  and some paid overtime at work resulted in me finally having the courage to hit "confirm" on Good Friday. 6 days later I got home from work to see the box containing my new carbon steed in the hallway- delivered a day early.

The more astute of you will have spotted from the title of the post that I broke away from the Specialized stable and instead went for Hong Kong's finest. A 2014 NeilPryde Zephyr is my new steed of choice.







A step up to Shimano 105 (apart from FSA cranks and brakes) from a 2300 groupset  ( pre-Claris- I have always had a talent for buying new bikes with components literally weeks before their improved replacements are released- even my Specialized HardRock was probably one of the last to be sold without disc brakes!) was one attraction as was subbing aluminium for carbon fibre. The wheels are Shimano RS10s and finishing equipment from NeilPryde.

Now I am going to be honest- I always assumed that people talked up the better performance of carbon bikes and that it would not be very apparent to someone like me who doesn't race and would be better of losing lbs than £s. But even the short blast up the hill in the housing estate where I live (I love calling it a housing estate because it winds up our local Neighbourhood Watch coordinator who insists we live in a "development"- the housing prices, won't someone think of the housing prices...) after I had added pedals, bottles and began the never ending quest to dial in my position was a revelation. I took it for a spin around one of my regular loops and came back to find that, without trying much harder than normal I had recorded my second best segments ever- and that was into a head wind. I was as surprised by this as I was by FDJ's emergence as a Team Time Trial force to be reckoned with this season (all the while my wife was surprised that such an expensive bike required me to buy new pedals).

A combination of work and other activities mean my recent forays on my carbon steed have been limited to about 20 miles but when I do get some decent mileage in I will wax lyrical much further. But as it stands this is a great wee mix of endurance and racer. I can't help but grin when I see it and am looking forward to this year's adventures, planned and unplanned.

Saturday 16 January 2016

Sportivelominati- The Rules...

OK, so this is my first post of 2016. Tradition dictates it should be a review of 2015 or predictions for the year ahead, so I have decided to kick off with... my take on what I like to see when it comes to sportives. In homage to the Velominati Rules I have drawn up my own set for organisers and participants- I will plan on adding to these as the year goes on, the kms go up and the grouchiness increases.

1. Riding sportives does not make you an inferior cyclist.
Invariably, any discussion of sportives online will contain comments that will dismiss them and tell participants to "pin on a number and race". These bon mots normally come from the sort of people who feel simply typing "rule 5"  is enough of a contribution on threads where (usually beginners to the sport) have asked for some advice on climbing, gearing etc. These fellas (inevitably they are usually male) pride themselves on their highly competitive nature which sets the alarm bells in the pop psychology part of my brain ringing. Basically, sportives are great for many reasons, no matter what the self-appointed purists say. They give cyclists a target to train for,  promote social cycling since not everyone's mates are two-wheeled gods of the road and make us a more visible presence on the highways and byways of the land. I have cycled in events alongside Stephen Roche and Sean Kelly, and if it is good enough for them...

2. You shall learn group riding skills and etiquette before the event.
The most uncomfortable part of a mass start sportive? The first few kms until the peloton breaks up and people find themselves in a group more fitting their ability (see Rule 4 for organisers).  This is when the realisation strikes for some  that they've never actually cycled in a group before and  have no control over the braking and manoeuvring in front and around it. Too late now, Buster- relax, sit close to the person in front with your fingers on the brakes, don't be transfixed by their back wheel and watch the second or third person in front of you.


3. You shall let everyone know what you are going to do before you do it.
It sounds like some waffly jargon from some management textbook but never is it more important or accurate- communication is key! Do you get annoyed when driving (yes, often...) and the car in front suddenly brakes and then indicates as opposed to the other way around? Same on bikes except you aren't very likely to fall out of your car and bring other drivers down with you if you have to suddenly drop anchor.  Got a mechanical and need to slow or stop? Then shout out in a proud and happy voice- "slowing!".  Junction up ahead and turning left? Stick your arm out and shout out "left!". AND PASS IT ON! Just because you can hear the person a few bikes in front of you calling out a warning doesn't mean those behind you did. On too many occasions I have witnessed calls not being relayed back- it is everyone's responsibility. I am generally a placid sort of guy and will go out of my way to avoid confrontation- often to extremes (one reason I don't race- well that and my large belly and slow speed). But I do not hesitate to give grief to those who aren't passing on calls. We don't do it to scare people or sound important-we do it because we don't want to come off and take everyone else down with us because some gabshite hasn't called out "hole" or "gravel".

And when I say let people know what you are going to do and be aware of others around you, I mean it, even when carrying out the most seemingly simple action. Coming to a rise in the road and feel the need to stand up to dance on the pedals á la Contador? Then glance quickly behind you before you get your backside off your saddle to ensure the person on your wheel isn't too close. If you stand just as you are at the top of your pedal stroke your bike can shoot backwards which is not a pleasant thing to see if you are following close behind, and can lead to panic braking.  Basically think ahead and analyse every action for its possible consequences on those around you- we all do that then everyone will be safe.




4. Organisers shall stagger starts.
 As already noted, the hairiest part of a sportive is often the mass start. Club riders with self esteem issues that they deal with by overtaking everyone, combined with first timers on heavy mountain bikes, who are more used to pottling along tow paths, and everyone in between moving off at the same time can cause chaos. Let the speedy guys off first, then the mediums and finally the pootlers ( Lap the Lough do this very effectively).

5. Organisers shall realise cyclists have enough bidons already.
Tiresome sorts tend to love relating the formula "n+1" in a proud manner reminiscent of Lord Smug of Smuginton Hall. It is seen as some sort of code, shared between those in the know- an identifier that you are a real cyclist not simply a Johnny-come-lately-person-on-a-bike. In reality, it simply means you spend longer posing and preening on internet forums than actually in the saddle.  For those not yet initiated, "n" is the number of bikes you currently have and the formula is the answer to the perennial question "How many bikes should I own?". Nowhere in the world of the cyclist does "n" equal "drinking bottle" yet you will be hard pushed to open any cupboard in any keen draisienne pilot's home and not be clobbered with bidons falling out. Many sportives will provide a goodie bag, and the best normally include stuff that may be of use (a mini multi-tool, a spare tube etc). But who, after getting the kms in training for the event and devising a fuelling strategy, is going to show up without a water bottle or two? The problem with bottles is that you can only use so many, but they are too good to throw away. Some may be refashioned as tool containers on shorter rides, but even then you run out of alternative uses. So organisers- please- no more water bottles!

6. You shall not live out your pro-cyclist fantasies.
To be fair, the oul curmudgeons have a point when they say if you want to race, sign up to a race. There is always a few eejits who want to drop everyone and feel good about themselves. You will spot them at the start, wheedling their way to the front before the off, ready to get the drop on everyone. They will probably have deep-section rims and aero helmets- on a sportive. And they will hammer it on, overtaking at the least suitable time and scaring the living daylights out of the pootlers. These fellas live life with a Liggett/Sherwen commentary playing in their head at all times-except when they are asked to actually take part in a proper race. Basically they are the guy who has to repeat a year at school- they find themselves doing much better than the rest of their class because they know how things work before and mistake this for natural ability. They are also prime candidates to break the next two rules.

7. You shall not litter
No matter how well organised, sportives are at the mercy of those who live or travel along the route. Participants are going to impact on the routines of these people so it makes sense that we want them onside and happy enough to put up with a bit of disruption. Dumping your gel or food wrappers as you ride is simply not on, no matter how pro it makes you feel (and actually race organisers in the professional scene have been clamping down on this with green zones and some manufacturers now including small pockets in jerseys to put empty wrappers).  I did challenge one lad in a club jersey (I'll not name the club- this time!) throwing his Mars wrapper on the ground as we approached Ballyronan, less than half a mile from a water stop and he looked at me as if I had crapped in his saddlebag. 

8. You shall not use a gel before the last leg home.
Less than 3 miles into an 85 mile event a few years ago, I spotted it at the side of the road. A recently discarded (rule 7) gel wrapper. Seriously-if you need a gel so soon after starting, it is going to be a long, painful day for you, my friend! To be honest I have more faith in the restorative power of Haribo (hence why I very rarely do events during Lent!) or marzipan than gels on a sportive. But if you want to use a gel, save it for the hard miles near the end.

9. You shall not wear the event jersey on the day.
 This is more a personal opinion than anything else to be honest. It can be a bit disconcerting trying to pick out a friend in the peloton when everyone around is wearing the exact same jersey. But primarily I feel the jersey should be a symbol of completing the event, and as such I only wear them afterwards- after all there is a reason I don't wear a maillot jaune or maglia rosa when I am huffing and puffing around my little riding route.  And on a slightly related note- Grand Tour competition jerseys mark you as a target! If even I can overtake you on the draggy climb outside Randalstown then you should get done under the trades description act if you are wearing polkadots.
The other, more important, factor is that you should only use kit on an event that you have trained in. If the first time you put that event jersey on is the morning of the sportive then you are running the risk of making your day more uncomfortable than it needs to be. Jerseys vary in fit and cut and, if you haven't put the kms in while wearing it, you won't know how well it will do its job . What seems fine for the few minutes you have it on when checking it out in the mirror may well feel like you have Brillo pads in your armpits half way through. 

10. You shall not wear white shorts.
This is Northern Ireland. It rains. A lot. White shorts go see through when wet.
I have no desire to count how many hairs you have on the crack of your arse.

(This rule is dedicated to the guy in the white shorts I ended up having to overtake and drop near Bushmills during the Giant's Causeway Coast sportive in 2012- it was a great tactic to discourage wheelsuckers).

11. You shall wear bibshorts.
I understand- bibshorts look ridiculous. Many a cyclist's partner can recall the first time they saw their beau/belle in what appeared to be a weird mix of baby grow and wrestler fetish clothing. But comfort rules above all. No matter how big or small your belly, after 80km a waistband will dig in. You go to the drops and suddenly you feel a draft on your back, and the person on your wheel sees more than they want. Bibs are comfortable and practical. Make sure they fit you and the pad is suitable and break them in before the event. While we have gone beyond tenderising steaks, chaffing is no friend of yours, and it only takes the smallest bit of ill fitting material to turn pedalling into purgatory.

12. You shall check your tyre pressures before hand.
 You know those really wet, grey days or early evenings when it is really dull and you see cars without headlights on? Or when the temperature is near freezing and a neighbour insists on washing their car, allowing the water to flow and create an ice slide in the road? Or when people still vote for the Tories? The individuals behind these affronts to logic are the same who start a sportive without checking their tyre pressures. However, unlike many of the examples above, they tend not to get away with it. Too low pressures make extra work as well as making pinch flats more likely. Too hard and you may as well be riding a bone shaker. A few seconds to check can save ages changing tubes while the rest of the event streams past into the distance.

13. You shall bring extra inner-tubes and know how to change them.
Punctures happen, even when you have heeded the advice of late sage Sheldon Brown in relation to pressures. So bring inner tubes- it is not fair to rely on the kindness of your companions since if they lend you a tube and are then struck down later on themselves your lack of preparedness just made two people's days harder than they needed to be. On longer events think about two tubes (and if you fancy the really retro look, loop one over your shoulders and combine with a pair of goggles) and patches. If you end up going through three tubes and patches then maybe a mountain bike may be more your thing.

Learn how to change a tube-it is the most basic skill a cyclist needs and it isn't that difficult but standing on a windy, rainy day as your friends wait for you, providing you with all the helpful insults you need and the rest of the event ploughs on is not the ideal classroom.

14. You shall bring the correct pump for your inner tubes.
Generally if you are on a road bike you will have presta valves. Mountain bikes will be schrader. Hybrids could be either. Make sure the pump you have with you (you did pack a pump, didn't you?) fits. Do note that while C02 cartridges save a lot of energy and time, they deflate much quicker. The tyre may be flat again by the following day, but if you are really unlucky and puncture early enough in a long event, you may be losing vital PSI before you get home.


15. You shall bring enough food and water.
Logic again- there may be food and water stops on the way but a)you need to get to them and b) have to hope the freeloaders and club guys didn't get there first and helped themselves leaving nothing for the rest. So make sure you have supplies in your pocket for use in emergencies. La fringale is not fun- seriously. A visit from the man with the hammer may give you stories to tell afterwards but when it hits, that last mile will seem longer than the previous 84 together. If you are in your 36 on the front, 25 on the back, the road is as flat as a pancake and you still wish you had a bigger cog on your cassette- that is the bonk!

16. You shall learn to drink while on the move.
Add this to the list of things you need to practice before you go anywhere near a group ride. You won't get away with pulling over to keep hydrated. It can be be nerve wracking when you are in a group, the road is getting a bit rough and you have to take one hand of the bars, draw your bidon, drink and replace without losing too much speed. Make it clear that you are about to drink to those behind you (rule 3) so they can be prepared in case you wobble. It looks simple and with practice becomes so,  but do work on it.

17. You shall not try out any new gel, supplement or drink on the day.
 A few years ago I was getting around one sportive quite well, with a group of riders from my club, some of whom had only sat on a saddle for the first time a few months previously. We made good progress until the last water stop, 22 miles from the end. A member of the group (one of the newer recruits) decided to add a Zero tab to their water bottle, despite never having used it before.  This person is normally fitter than me so it was a surprise that when the quicker ones took off to hammer on home she did not join them (the general rule had been to ride as a group for most of the day helping each other out, then those with the energy and desire could up their pace and head off on their own after the last stop). I dropped back and could see she was in trouble and she confirmed that her stomach was churning. It was then she revealed she had never used Zero tabs before and now she was struggling to the finish. I told her to drop it into the small ring, spin her legs and sit on my wheel the rest of the way. We did make it but it was a salutary lesson- our bodies are different and react to things in different ways, so plan ahead, know what fuel you are taking with you and use it through your training so you know how it effects you.

18. You shall take your turn on the front.
Eventually the big group you have been in form the start will fragment into smaller bunches. When that occurs a few different scenarios may present themselves. If you are in a group of club riders then they will probably start taking turns riding at the front. Every so often their road captain will call or whistle and the riders will change up, with those who were second in line now being in front. This ("through and off", "bit and bit" or simply "taking yer bolloxing turn in the wind ye gabshite" as it is variously called) will continue reducing your overall energy output while increasing your speed. This is especially important when faced with a headwind. So if you find yourself in such a paceline at least try and take a few turns at the front. If you feel you aren't able to take your go then let them know and sit it out at the back. However do not sit there until the finish is in sight and then use the energy you saved to blast past everyone- they are not your personal lead-out train and you, sir, are no Kittel or Cavendish.




19. You shall inform those behind you if you are losing the wheel in front.
In group riding there are two cardinal sins. One is wheelsucking (see rule 18). The other is "losing the wheel". This doesn't happen because you didn't do your QR skewers up properly- it means you can no longer sit closely enough behind the rider in front to benefit from their slipstream. Then the gap gets bigger and suddenly you and everyone on your wheel is now a new, separate group. It sounds like a small issue but actually can have a big effect and earn some withering remarks from those behind. If you think you can't hold a wheel then let people around you know- if those in front don't knock off the speed a bit, then at least those behind you will have ample warning and can come around you. So yeah, it may result in you going out the back door, but it is safe to say that this probably wasn't the group for you and your act of self-sacrifice will not go un-noticed-especially if you need the lend of a tube or a pump at some later time!

20. You shall not look behind if you hear a crash.
Eyes front at all times. Even if you hear the angel Gabriel's trumpet announcing the apocalypse behind you, do not look around. The sound of people coming off behind you is not nice, but if you rubberneck then it is almost certain you will also go from sitting on your Specialized Tarmac to sitting on the actual tarmac. This is one occasion where you can imitate the pros- have you ever watched a race where suddenly the orderly chaos of a compact peloton is replaced with flying carbon and terminal deceleration? The guys in front, despite knowing many of their close friends are currently sliding along with only a thin layer of lycra between their skin and the rough road surface, keep looking forward and the speed up.



21. You shall not whinge if you miss the entry window. 
Sportives aren't just organised a day or two before hand. Organisers will do as much publicity as they can since their event won't work without actual participants and they spread the word as early as possible. For example Lap the Lough takes place at the end of August and entries open in January and the Gran Fondo allows registration from December for the following June. Yet even with so much notice, the organiser's Facebook page in the days running up to the event are full of people moaning and complaining because they didn't get a place. To be fair to the organisers, they are a bit more polite than I would be- the simple message of "you had seven months to sign up so stop annoying our heads you self-absorbed, entitled gabshite" never appears.  If you can't get yourself together to enter with so much time, then frankly I doubt your capacity to actually get yourself to the event on the day.